Three Ways to Involve the Kids to get Organized

As  families grow, the days seem drastically shorter. There are never enough hours for self-care, quality time with family, or that extra time that could always be used at work and home. Don't settle for the chaos that can accompany life with kids. These three tips will allow you to have a few minutes of peace,  before you become an empty nester.

State your expectations. As parents, we think it’s obvious to all family members what we expect and what the household standards are. Not so. Whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers, they need you to spell out the rules of the game. Toddlers learn the Tidy Up song in pre-school. If they are held accountable for putting things away when outside of the home, they can be held accountable at home. Try the five-minute warning, “We’re going to have dinner in a few minutes. Let’s tidy up before we eat”, then spend a few minutes helping return things to their respective containers.

Likewise, have a talk with your tween or teen to let them know what you expect, for example make your bed daily, empty the dishwasher on Saturday mornings, put your clean laundry away. And be sure to tie a reward or consequence to these tasks.

Teach your kids. Prioritizing and organizing are skills we learn.  Teach your kids about limits. If there is only an influx of things but no exit plan, your home will quickly become crowded and you’ll find yourself watching TV around a stack of magazines or a mountain of postponed decisions. When the toy baskets are overflowing, it’s time to have a talk about what is still age-appropriate, what is a favourite, and what might be passed along to make someone else happy.

Earmark some time, about 2 to 4 weeks before birthdays and Christmas, to talk with each of your children about what to let go of. Explain that they will receive a lot of presents and need to make space for all the new stuff to come.

Also, let your child decide the best way to let go of their once-loved possessions. Will it be off to a thrift store, neighbour, children’s charity, or listed on kijiji for some extra cash?

Involving your kids in these decisions eliminates their fear of letting go and reduces the likelihood of the kids feeling blindsided by the disappearance of their prized possessions.

Keep it simple. We are all more likely to follow the rules of organization if they are easy. Use open baskets for dirty laundry and toy storage. Avoid stacking bins; the extra steps of fitting on lids and stacking and unstacking bins, will be the difference between things being put away, or strewn about the room. Use hooks for hanging coats, clothes and towels. Consider introducing drawer dividers in dresser drawers; having a section for each type of clothing is the first step to maintaining some order in those drawers.

We shouldn’t expect things to change overnight, but by consistently stating expectations and leading by example, these organizing habits will take root.

One Good Reason Why You May be Disorganized

Does it make you crazy that some people have no difficulty at all holding it together, while you consider it a bonus if you have clean clothes to put on in the morning?

For many people with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), even daily routines can pose a challenge. What happens in the ADHD brain is that the activities of the pre-frontal cortex – the area behind the forehead – are impaired. This is the activity centre responsible for things like decision-making, time awareness, focus, detail, organization, transitioning attention, self-control, emotions and inhibition. Whew! That’s a lot. Can you imagine how easy it is for your day to go off track if there is a communication breakdown in the pre-frontal cortex?

The transfer of information between the parts of the ADHD brain that is untreated (i.e. the person is not taking medication for their ADHD) can be unreliable. This is why you forget what was said to you yesterday, or forget to complete a task that was interrupted. A lot of what happens in any given moment can be lost and therefore not transferred to long-term memory where it can be recalled and serve you at a future date.


Now, the big mystery to many is “How can anyone forget to do repeated tasks? The answer: those tasks don’t provide enough stimulation to engage the ADHD brain. If there is not an immediate benefit, the person with ADHD will focus their attention elsewhere, to something that will give immediate satisfaction or some kind of instant rush. Putting away laundry is way too boring compared to online gaming. That clean underwear will only be a priority when you open your drawer on Monday morning and discover you’ve got less than 5 minutes to put together clothes for the day and bound out the door.

But having ADHD doesn’t mean you are destined to live a life of chaos. It means recognizing that you may need some extra supports to get through the stuff that bores you to tears. And that support could be something as simple as arranging to have someone call you when it’s time to get off the couch and start getting ready for the family celebration, or putting a Post-it® Note at the door so you remember to take the present with you to the party. Other things you could try include:

• Visual/auditory timers, like the Time Timer
• Scheduling your day in your smart phone with an audible notification reminder
• Keeping Post-it® Notes in your car to capture those important thoughts that come to you at the wrong time: jot it down on a Post-it® Note and stick it on your steering wheel. When you get home, take the note in with you and stick it in a visible place, so you will be sure to act on it.  

Now, not everyone who is disorganized has ADHD. But since October is ADHD Awareness Month, I wanted to share a bit of information on the topic and let you know that there are very real reasons why some people struggle with chronic disorganization. ADHD is one of those reasons. So if you seem to always be struggling with organization, it’s not necessarily because of laziness or an inability to be organized. It’s simply a matter of learning what kind of supports you need to be organized, and bringing those supports into your life.

The 3 Most Surprising Reasons to Declutter

When people talk about getting organized, they are likely motivated by an episode of Hoarders. They suddenly realize there may be clothes in the closet that don’t fit. There’s food in the pantry that has long expired. And if they had to, they couldn’t say with absolute certainty when they last were able to clean in the corners of those closets. Their greatest fear is that they may become – or be perceived as – those people on TV. TV is great for shock value, and we as humans respond. In reality, there are only 3 – 5% of people who are diagnosed with hoarding disorder. But there are many more who live unknowingly with the harmful effects of clutter. Did you know . . .

Clutter makes us chubby. A recent Australian-US study found that we are more likely to eat snacks and sweets when we choose our food from within an environment that is chaotic, and makes us feel stressed and out of control.

We can’t think straight. Physical clutter creates mental clutter i.e. what we see outside, is a reflection of what is happening inside. Mental clutter is a state of mind whereby we are unable to filter out unnecessary information. Have you ever tried to accomplish a task – pleasant or otherwise – in a cluttered environment? How did it go? I know this is one the female entrepreneur, working from home, can definitely identify with. It’s hard to complete a marketing plan when shoes are spilling out across the front foyer and piles of paper greet us at every corner. The visual stimuli are completely overwhelming.

Clutter makes us sad. A 2016 study conducted by the University of New Mexico looked at our perception of our home and how it translated into our sense of overall happiness. NB: the home is not merely the physical structure you live in, but an intricate web of experiences and feelings.  Have you ever spent time in a cozy chalet, or visited a friend and found yourself thinking that your surroundings were homey? You didn’t feel like you were in your own home; you felt comfort, warmth, peace. That’s what we’re talking about when we say home. It’s that intangible state of Zen.

But when your home is cluttered, you can’t identify with that feeling of Zen. Your retreat is threatened, compromised. As a result, your overall feelings of happiness, safety and wellbeing are diminished.

So you see, decluttering isn't just about being house proud, or inflexible. It's not about colour-coordinating throw pillows. It's about creating a setting in which we can be our best selves: feeling good, thinking clearly, and making healthy choices. It's about achieving that sense of peace when we walk through the door at the end of a long and demanding day. It's about waking up with the clarity and energy to take on the world. Sounds good to me. 

The Magic of Number 871

That was the magic number on Wednesday.  Today’s magic number is 848. That’s the number of emails in my Inbox. Today’s blog is about being real, owning my challenges, taking the stigma out of disorganization and reminding you that even as a professional organizer, I’m not always organized.

Important to note is that I first confessed to my challenge with email clutter three years ago – almost three years to the day. I posted on April 29, 2014 that I had a “dirty little secret”. I reported at that time that I had 999 emails in my inbox.

Somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon. Because I’m human. Because priorities change. Because when the numbers started to climb, I didn’t think I had the time to deal with my pet project. What I didn’t realize was how the glut of emails made me feel, how much I missed out on, that a lot of people never have more than 20 emails in their inbox. While that last point still blows my mind, it remains my constant inspiration.
                                                                                                                                                                         
It was mid-January this year when a friend looked over my shoulder and noticed that I had 2200 emails in my inbox.  Aghast, she exclaimed “I could never handle that much in my inbox”. I didn’t have the gumption to tell her that number represented only the unread emails. I never checked the total number, but suspect it was somewhere in the range of 5,000 to 6,000. Most of those emails were Facebook notifications, correspondence with other professionals I worked with at some point over the last three years, and a lot of how to messages for various online apps and services I use.

So what has changed in the last four-and-a-half months? Well, I turn off Facebook notifications as needed; I’ve unfollowed some groups on Facebook, I’ve updated contact information for many people and saved several pictures to the appropriate folders on my C:/ drive. I’ve appointed a friend to be my accountability partner; every once in a while, she checks in to get an email count. The best part is that I’m able to look at every email I receive each day and take action in a timely manner. Ironically I feel somewhat more present, because I can respond to emails instead of being overwhelmed by my inbox and losing sight of what needs a response.

What’s the take-away for you? A few things:

• Everyone has something they just aren’t great at; for many, that thing is organization.
• It isn’t always easy to follow through, even when you have the best of intentions. Backsliding (falling off the wagon) happens – to everyone. It doesn’t mean you have failed; it means you are human.
• Clutter creates feelings and emotions we aren’t always conscious of. Be sure that your stuff isn’t holding you back.  

If you have tried and failed, at anything, I hope you will give it another go. You've got this!

Warning: This Could Make Tax Filing Easier

It’s that time again. You know what I’m talking about. April 30^th. It is fast approaching and that means you need to file your income tax return.  I hope you’ll be amongst those who coast to the finish line, i’s dotted, t’s crossed, instead of staggering over that line. In last place. Cursing yourself because you did it again: left all the tax recording to the last minute.

If you fall into the latter category, let’s see what we can do to get you in better shape for next year.

If it’s simple, keep it that way. If you are dealing with 8 pieces of paper of less, you can probably get away with putting all your tax slips in one folder or envelope. Label it Taxes. File it at the front of the drawer. (Remember, we don’t want you to put it in alphabetical order and integrate it with the whole filing system.  We want this to be simple). As you receive any slip that has to be accounted for in your annual taxes, take it out of the envelope and put in the folder. Done. When you’re ready to prepare your taxes, you pull out that one folder and deal with the few pieces of paper that have accumulated in there over the year. Simple.

But if tax prep is more of a paper chase, we can certainly look at ways to simplify the flow.

Go electronic. Many companies can notify you of invoice or statement delivery via email.  The PDF of that document is all you need to keep as proof, if proof is ever sought. Speak to a representative at your bank, investment firm or utility provider to learn how much information you can access via electronic delivery.

Once you access that electronic document, all you need to do is create an electronic file to save it, and assign a name to the document, so you can find it easily.  Be sure to use a consistent naming convention.

Know CRA’s rules. Do you know that you don’t have to keep original paper for everything?

“The Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) accepts records that are produced and kept in:

• paper format
• paper format, and later converted to and stored in an accessible and readable electronic format
• an accessible and readable electronic format

Records and supporting documents originally produced in electronic format
You have to keep them in an electronic readable format, even if you have paper printouts.”

Make time. If you are one of those who needs to track annual expenses, schedule a couple of hours with yourself each month to input the values you need recorded. The overall process will be more manageable when handled in monthly increments, instead of dealing with a year’s worth of paper just before the filing deadline.

Talk to a professional. Many people are able to handle their taxes without a care in the world.  But not everyone has simple accounting needs. For example, a new entrepreneur may be overwhelmed with record keeping and document retention. Even if you think you can handle preparation of your tax return, it might be worthwhile to consult a professional to learn the best way to handle your particular circumstances. It’s better to pay for an hour of time with someone who can guide your correctly, than to forever be struggling and second-guessing yourself.

Overwhelm: The #1 secret to conquer it!

Guest Blog Post from 
Suzy Rosenstein, Master Certified Life Coach
www.suzyrosenstein.com


It's hard to know what to do when you feel overwhelmed.

Feeling this way can be such a drag.

And drag you down.

And hold you back.

It feels like a fuzzy cloud to me...but not soft and cuddly. It's fuzzy and amorphous...unclear...murky.

It's just so....

I don't know...

OVERWHELMING!

When do you feel overwhelmed? One time I feel overwhelmed is when I’m tidying up or trying to declutter.

For sure, I feel this way when I have too much to do. Busting through my piles ALWAYS feels like too much to do somehow.

I also feel this way when I don't know what to do, another common feeling for me when I’m trying to get more organized.

Overwhelm is so common in general, not just regarding organizing.

My clients tell me all kinds of reasons they feel overwhelmed, but in the end, they usually fall into these two categories: Confusion or Indecision.

When you are confused, you can feel overwhelmed.

Similarly, when you think you can't make a decision, you can feel overwhelmed.

Feeling overwhelmed and confused are feelings that, just like any other feelings, are created by your thinking.

For some odd reason, though, we tend to indulge in these feelings. It's almost like we allow ourselves to wallow in them.

I don't actually remember ever typing the word "wallow" before...that was kind of fun! "Wallow" means indulging in an unrestrained way...and it usually creates a pleasurable sensation. Interesting, right? Because you don't often associate "overwhelm" with pleasure.

Overwhelm feels like the opposite of pleasure...but there's more to it than you think.

Let's walk through an example. Think about the last time you were confused about something, couldn't make a decision an felt overwhelmed.

The first thing that came to mind for me was when I was taking a course that required me to create and promote a webinar from start to finish. I felt completely overwhelmed and confused about the technology. I had no clue what to do, where to start, what software to use and so on.

So, what did I do?

I procrastinated and did nothing.

What was my result? I didn't produce the webinar.

I happened to be working with an extremely talented coach at the time, Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School (where I trained) and she helped me see what was going on in my mind.

She suggested I was indulging in overwhelm. I was so surprised and taken aback! I really didn't understand because the reality was that I didn't know how to do a webinar and it was stressing me out.

Brooke correctly pointed out that I wasn't destined to be overwhelmed because of the webinar. The problem was what I was thinking about the webinar task. It was more than just thinking that I didn't know how to do a webinar. I really thought that my lack of webinar know-how was what was creating the overwhelm and stress.

There was a thought behind that one.

And that thought was creating my overwhelm.

This blew my mind.

What I realized was that the fact or the circumstance was my level of knowledge about the technology. But that's not what was freaking me out.

It was my THOUGHTS about my level of knowledge, or lack thereof that was creating my feelings.

What was the thought?

The sneaky little thought that was behind my feelings was "I suck at technology."

I can't even tell you how many times a day I would think "I suck at technology." It was like an automatic loop. And I have been thinking this thought for decades, about other techie things too (like the TV remotes).

When I thought about sucking at technology, I felt ignorant and overwhelmed. I felt confused about what to do. And I ended up doing nothing...which, of course, ultimately proved my thought that I sucked at technology.

BAM!

You might be thinking why this was an indulgence.

The answer is because it kept me in my comfort zone of not knowing, not pushing myself, not evolving into someone who didn't suck at technology.

This didn't feel like "wallowing" but it was.....it was definitely more pleasurable to indulge in confusion and overwhelm instead of pushing myself out of it into discomfort.

This pattern of thinking went on and on until I was coached out of it with a baby step.

The first thing I had to do was to become of aware of what was going on up there in my mind.

Then, I had to change my thinking.

I couldn't get my head around how to do this at first, because I still didn't know how to create and run a webinar. I still felt overwhelmed by the whole thing. I didn't understand how I could think differently if my level of knowledge didn't change.

In other words, I didn't see how I could think differently without changing the facts or the circumstance.

It's so easy to say you understand the concept that facts are neutral and that it's our thinking about the facts that creates our feelings. Until it's about you, that is.  I really had trouble seeing that even though I still didn't understand how to run a webinar, I could start thinking differently about that fact. And if I wanted to feel differently, that's exactly what I would have to do.

So I tried on a new thought.

"I'm learning to figure this out."

WHAT?????  This new thought changed everything!

When I thought, "I'm learning to figure this out," I felt capable and motivated. I felt like I knew how to learn.

And then I took a small step. I began to learn.

The result? I figured it out and learned how to do a webinar. Of course this proved my thought.

Duh!

Just like "wallow," I'm not sure I've ever typed "duh" before.

But I digress.  Here's the bottom line.

The Secret to NOT feeling Overwhelmed

Become aware. Ask yourself why you're thinking what you're thinking. Take a close look at the thoughts behind your feelings.

Decide how you want to feel. Practice thinking a thought that creates this feeling. What feeling would you need to feel to do what you want to do? Find the thought.

Take a baby step. This first step is what you need to move forward and do something. The best way out of confusion and overwhelm is to make a decision and move forward.

GREAT NEWS!

Overwhelm is a super common feeling I coach my clients through. It got me thinking how I could help more people. This is what inspired me to create the FIRST STEP.

The FIRST STEP is my new mini Coaching Package that helps you take that most important first baby step when you're stuck, overwhelmed or confused....or maybe all three.

Why waste another minute not knowing what to do about the change you want make? It could be anything that is keeping you stuck – even getting more organized.

Stop feeling frustrated and do something! I'm here to help you take the first step and be happier. Life's too short. Let's do it!

Click here to learn more and take the FIRST STEP!

This blog first appeared in Suzy’s Empty Nest Blog, http://suzyrosenstein.com/empty-nest-blog/

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Suzy Rosenstein has been honing her laser sharp questioning and listening skills professionally for over 25 years. She coaches working moms to get out of their midlife funk so that they can be happier and regret-proof their lives! Enter your email today on her website for some quick tips and weekly insights about aging with mindfulness and humor: www.suzyrosenstein.com/midlifefunk. 

Decide with the Clarity of Emotional Intelligence

The year 2017 is well underway. There was barely a chance to reconcile with the start of a new year; and we are almost into its second month. Always looking for the best way to help and inspire you in your organizing journey, I was very pleased a couple weeks ago to be introduced to the Thought Model.  Researching online, I discovered this model is integral in the coaching world; the University of California is even touting it as an important tool in managing employees. But I heard it described by a midlife coach, who was using it to illustrate our relationship with our stuff. My wheels started spinning and I couldn’t wait to share with you.

Here we have it, (with my organizing spin): Every one of us faces certain circumstances all day. These are things we cannot change. Maybe your circumstance is a closet full of memorabilia form high school.

Perhaps when you look through that closet full of your past you think things like, I scored the winning touchdown with this football or, I hated that class! or, This is the test that proved I was capable.

Now the feelings are stirring within. What are they? Do you still feel the pride and elation you did that day on the football field? Or do you just smile wistfully and remember what a great day that was?  Are you angry thinking back on that class? Do you sigh with disbelief when you recall how stressed you were preparing for that test? Or are you satisfied thinking of the path your life took, because you were able to pursue a higher education than anticipated?

How do your feelings cause you to act? Do you go out and buy a display case for that football, then put it in your rec room? Or are you happy to put it in a big black garbage bag and say goodbye? Do you want to recycle the text book and free yourself from the negative thoughts of that class? Or do you want that book taking up space in your current life? What about that test? Do you still need it to identify who you are today? Or is it enough to be grateful, remembering that you had a breakthrough that helped shape the person you are today?

And finally, what is the result of your actions? Are you able to eliminate some of the clutter of your past and make room for your priorities today? Or will you let stuff consume your physical space, still not adding value and still not being respected? When we let go of things that no longer add value, we are able to spend our time doing what we enjoy. As well, we feel a sense of pride and relief in our  ability to move forward. When we continue to close a door on the physical items of the past, we have decisions that remain to be made. They wait for us. They overwhelm us and clutter our minds. As you weigh the pros and cons of decluttering your space and your mind, remember that the items themselves are neutral. You are the one who attaches meaning to the items, because of your thoughts and feelings. And you are the one who will reap the benefits of reframing your thoughts and feelings, and allowing yourself to enter into the now of your life.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

Another year is quickly coming to an end.  For many, this is a time for reflection, a time of contemplation. What will 2017 bring? We have to wait and see.

For now, I leave you with some of my favourite quotes from this past year.   You may have seen them on my Facebook page or in a blog header.  Or maybe you're seeing these words for the first time.  Regardless, I hope they give you something to ponder as we embark on a new year.

Never overlook the power of simplicity. - Robin S. Sharma

Giving doesn't have to be about excess. - HomePuzzle

It always seems impossible until it's done. - Nelson Mandela

Minimalism. Is about your life. Not your closet.  -  Becoming Minimalist

Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don't want to do it. - Bobbi DePorter

Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions. - Barbara Hemphill

However you like to spend this time of year, and whatever your dreams for the future, I hope this holiday is as magical and peaceful as your heart desires.  

Best wishes,
 

Chris